


I Kid You Knot

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Basically, Curses, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter AU, Humor, Love Knot, M/M, Magic AU, Wands, puns, spells
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-03 20:20:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10257161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Phil Lester and Dan Howell hated each other. But when a certain curse called a love-knot ties them together, effectively making them unable to move a foot away form each other, what trouble will string together? (Puns intended)orA Magic AU no one ever asked for, filled with terrible puns, sarcastic jokes, and fluff.





	1. Maybe Fate Tied Us Together (The Beginning)

_2 Years Ago…_

Dan blew his brown hair out of his eyes and grinned at the black haired man across from him. “Okay, then, they’re, uh, blue.” Phil deflated, and pouted. “That’s boring! No, be more descriptive. I already know my eyes are blue, be more specific.”

Dan sighed, biting his lip. “Well, they’re not blue, then. They’re, um, give me a second.” He had a thoughtful expression on his face as he watched Phil snap his fingers, effectively making the faucet turn on, and the sponges started to scrub the plates.

Phil raised his eyebrows, and took a glass off the shelf. “Come on, Dan!”

Dan playfully glared. “Fine, then, since you think it’s so easy, why don’t _you_ do it?” He challenged. Phil only smiled. “Okay, but first, vanilla or caramel?” Dan groaned, “You’re avoiding the topic! But, yeah, caramel.”

Phil slid the cup of coffee to Dan, and sat down, staring into his brown eyes. “Well, you’re eyes aren’t _just_ brown,” he started. “They are, like, melted chocolate, or roasting marshmallows, you know? When you go camping and you’re relaxed, and you sit around with your family and friends, and you feel calm, and you roast marshmallows, and they smell so _good._ ” He sighed dreamily.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time you went camping? I remember when we were teenagers, you’d go every other weekend; you’d literally _beg_ me to come along.”

Phil shrugged. “It’s been at least a year, or two, I think. We should go sometime, you know?” Dan shook his head. “Oh God no. I can’t stay away from the internet for more than an hour, and you suggest we go out in the _wild_ , that holds who knows what? Fuck no.”

Dan widened his eyes.“Oh yeah, the reason why I came, I remember!” Phil faked sadness (in which honesty, Dan wanted to kiss off, but nobody needed to know about that, know did they?), “What? Is my beautiful face not enough of a reason to visit me?”

 _Yes,_ Dan thought. _Yes it is  enough of a reason._

However, he only said, “Pfft, hell no. Anyways, okay, uh-” he tugged as his collar awkwardly. “I, uh, I wanna ask this, uh, guy out, right? And, um, he-uh, I don’t really know, how to –uh, ask them.”

_Oh my fucking God, could you get any more obvious?_

But Phil only grinned his sunny grin. “Well, then, I think you should just go for it! If you don’t have the confidence, well, then, write a letter to them. But give it to them in person, so they know it was you. But either way, they’d be insane to turn you down, honestly Dan. You have great looks, and even with your sarcastic remarks from time to time, you’re amazing in everywhere. Well, almost as amazing as me, of course.” Dan blushed at the compliments, and looked down.

“Thanks.”

“Well, I need to clean up. Mey forgot to turn off the coffee machine. Now there’s a huge puddle.” Phil said, rising from his seat. “See you tomorrow?” Dan smiled and nodded.

Getting up from his own seat, he quickly texted Louise.

_Dan: I think I’m gonna do it._

**Louise: Do what?**

_Dan: Ask him out._

**Louise: Finally. Oh my God.**

It was no secret that Dan had a crush on his best friend. It was very obvious, with the “Heart Eyes Howell” thing going on.

There were already bets going on to when they’d be a thing, and Dan was sure his own parents were practically exchanging money behind his back about the whole ordeal. However, it seemed the _only_ person to not know of this was Phil himself.

Dan had first thought it was just a high school crush, but as time went on, it was getting harder to ignore. Poor Phil hadn’t a clue of his best friend’s pining.

_The Next Day…_

“Hey, do you think you can spare a mome-” Dan widened his eyes, staring at Phil’s bright blue hair. “Oh my God. _Please_ tell me you’re not going to keep that.”

Phil aggressively rubbed the towel on his head. “I accidentally dropped a potion and this happened.” Phil muttered, his words slightly muffled by the towel. Dan shook his head, amused. “Anyways, Phil. I- uh, you know what we were talking about yesterday? The thing about asking people out?”

Phil nodded. “Yeah, why?”

Dan swallowed.  He took out a slightly crumpled letter from his jacket and handed it to Phil. Phil cautiously opened the letter, and his eyes skimmed over the words.

After a few seconds, Phil handed the letter back to Dan. “I’m sure who ever this guy is, he’d be eager to say yes, Dan.”

Dan’s eyes went to the floor. He thought he was obvious, but apparently not. His eyes prickled with tears, and Dan quickly blinked them away.

“Yeah, I thought so, too.” Dan said coldly before walking out the coffee shop, feeling Phil’s confused eyes boring into the back of his head.

_Dan: It went all wrong, Louise._

_Present Date:_

“Honestly, Dan, if you want to be an Auror, you _need_ to focus on this!” Louise insisted, prodding Dan with the book.

Dan groaned. “If they have _magic,_ why don’t they, I don’t know, charm statues or something to fight for them?” He asked, closing the book. Louise rolled her eyes. “Because something _always_ goes wrong, and magicians always are better; they have more hexes in mind than statues, which are only supplied with the curses the owner knows of.”

Dan licked his chapped lips and swiveled his dragon-heart string wand. _“_ _Ut oculis in pages in avaritia_ _.”_  He muttered, pointing to his cup. He groaned in frustration as nothing happened.  

“Can’t even turn a cup into a book? How sad.” Dan heard a northern voice drawl, as a pale arm leaned over and grabbed the remaining cups. “I expected something, Howell. Maybe even a spark.”  

Dan’s eyes pierced into once desirable blue eyes. Phil smirked as Dan’s face flushed. “What’s it to you?” Dan snapped, shoving away his wand. “Nothing, just thought you might wanted to know it’s swivel to the _right,_ and then flick, not swivel to the _left,_ and then flick.” Phil shrugged, and walked away.  

Louise shook her head. “When are you going to stop? I swear, these two years have been _terrible,_ with the glares and banters you keep stirring up.”  Dan glared at her. “It’s not _my_ fault he’s an insufferable twat!”  

“Honestly, I think you two should just kiss it all out.” Louise shrugged. “But that’s just me.” Dan shoved his books into his bag, and got up. “I’m going back to my flat and sulk in my misery, because of you.” Louise only laughed. “That’s _all_ you do.”  

After a few seconds she added, “And wanking.”  

“It was one time!”

~

_And he turned to the dark side, caused all from hatred of his best friend. Had he proclaimed it straight up, he wouldn't have leaded to his own destruction. His morals were forgotten, and his mind was consumed with sadness-_

**_Beep!_ **

Dan's head shot up, resulting in almost breaking his neck. "What the fuck?" He muttered, getting up. Dan glanced at the clock. 

_10:28 P.M._

**_Beep!_ **

**_Beep!_ **

**_Beep!  
_ **

**_Beep!_ **

"For fuck's sake, be patient!" He yelled, and peered through the peephole. Two, bright, blue eyes stared back through at him, causing Dan to let out a shriek (a manly shriek, mind you), and jumped back. Trying to slow his racing heart, he opened the door.

And on his _Welcome_ mat was Phil Lester himself, in all his glory, holding a small, blue, box.  

"What the hell do you want?" Dan asked, glaring furiously at the man. "Hello to you, too." Phil said, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you here- wait, how the fuck did you get my address?" 

Phil shrugged. "It was still in my notes. The only problem was I didn't know if an old lady replaced you or not."

Rolling his eyes, Dan stepped aside, sighing. "Well, then, come in." 

Phil gave a small smile and stepped in. "D'you know what time it is?" Dan asked, closing the door. Phil nodded. "I had to work overtime, someone dropped a huge crate of potions, and everyone had bright red hair for an hour or so." 

"Okay, but why are you here?" He asked, sitting across from Phil. 

Phil gestured to the small box. "I got this thing when I got home. It's addressed to the both of us. Dunno what it has, though. What?" Phil asked, seeing Dan's skeptical face. 

"I just thought you'd open it without me." 

"I'm not that rude."

"I wouldn't put it past you." 

"So should we open it?" Phil questioned, lifting a corner of the box. Dan widened his eyes. "No! We don't know what's in it, and you just want to  _open_ it?" Dan exclaimed incredulously. 

Phil shrugged. "So what?" 

"So what?  _So what?_ It could hold a fucking spell, for God's sake!" 

"I'm opening it anyways." Phil sang, lifting the top open. 

_"Philip Michael Lester, I'm going to ki-"_

There was a flash, and Dan found himself practically sitting on Phil's lap. Surprised, he quickly pushed himself off of his lap. But seconds later, he was pulled back again, inches away from Phil's face. 

"Woah."

Phil's breathe was on Dan's lips, and Phil moved away. "What the fuck. What the  _actual fuck."_

Dan moved his hand, making Phil's hand move too. Dan scrunched up his eyebrows. "What?" 

"Dan. Get off my lap." Phil pushed Dan's side. Dan blushed, and got up, before falling back down onto his lap.  

"Okay then, sit  _next_ to me."

Dan cautiously moved, and Phil's hand fell onto Dan's lap. Phil got up, and moved two steps until his hand jerked back, sending Phil toward Dan. 

"What the hell?" 

"I  _told_ you not to open the damn box!" Dan said hitting Phil's arm. "Ow! I'm sorry! Curiosity got the best of me, okay?" 

"Well, because of your curiosity, we can't even move two inches without being together!" 

"Okay, uh, what do we do- what is this curse, first of all?" 

Dan reached out toward the shelf, and a book came hurtling toward his hand. "It's ought to be in here." Dan muttered, and flipped through the pages, until Phil stopped him. "I think it's that one." Phil pointed. 

"The Love Knot." Dan read out loud. "The Love Knot is a bind of two persons, cursed by a magician. The two cursed are ultimately attached to the hip until the cursee's purpose is fulfilled."

"But we don't know the reason!" Phil exclaimed. "Is there anything for that?" Dan checked the back, and read the front, and finally shook his head. "Uh-uh."  

"Well, then what are we suppose to do?" 

"I don't know!" 

Phil groaned. "Okay, get up." 

"What?"

"Get up." Phil repeated, shoving Dan. Sighing, he got up, just before he fell back down. "Okay, we obviously can't move without each other, as weird as it is, so, uh, what now?"

"We'll get up at the same time." Dan suggested. Phil nodded. "On three. One, two, three-" the two jumped up and looked at each other. 

"How are we going to sleep?" Realization hit Dan.

"Fuck." 

"We're going to have to sleep together." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for feedback


	2. A Lot Of Trouble Stringed Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find more info of the curse.

“We could go to PJ? He’s a friend of mine; he’s good with curses and stuff like this.” Phil suggested. Dan groaned. “It’s nearly midnight, there’s no way he’s awake right now. We’re going to have to deal with this until the morning.”  

“I’m going to have to stay here.” Phil told Dan. “No.” Dan said firmly.

“You realize I can’t really get away from you until we figure this out, right?” Phil pointed out.  

The two men stood in silence for a few seconds until Phil broke it. “Well, then. How do we sleep?” Dan swerved his head toward the black haired man.  

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” Dan snapped, glaring at Phil’s face. Phil shrugged. “Guess we’re gonna have to share a bed.” Dan widened his eyes. “What?” He squeaked.

Phil smirked. “Unless, of course, you have a better idea?”  

Sighing, Dan shook his head. “No.”  

“Yeah, thought so.”

The two made their way to the bathroom. “Well.” Phil mumbled. Dan pulled open a cupboard and took out a toothbrush.  

He handed it to Phil, and they avoided eye contact while brushing their teeth. Dan led the way toward two doors. “Okay, uh, we have the guest room and then my room. Which?” Dan asked, watching Phil’s face closely. However, the said man only shrugged. “Dunno. Up to you, I guess. It’s  _your_ house.”  

Biting his lip, he opened the guest room, Phil trailing behind him. He hurriedly grabbed a blue pillow, and walked back into the hallway.

“The, uh, the guest room isn’t big enough for two abnormally tall bean stalks; we’re going to have to sleep in my room, the bed’s quite large.”  Phil nodded, “Yeah, sure.”

Swallowing, Dan opened his room. It was fairly tidy, save for the huge pile of clothes in the corner, video games littering his floor, books thrown around his shelf and desk, and posters stuck all on the ceiling.

Phil glanced around his room, nostalgia consuming him.  Phil stared at Dan, raising an eyebrow at the man. “Well, what now?”  

“Take off your pants.” Dan stated.  

 _"What?"_ Phil stared at him, as if he couldn't believe the words coming from Dan's mouth.

"Take your pants off." He repeated. At Phil's shocked face, he specified. "You can't possible sleep in those jeans. I'm letting you borrow a pair of pajama bottoms. Jesus, Lester, what were _you_ thinking?" Dan walked over to his wardrobe, forcing Phil to follow. 

"Here," Dan mumbled, handing Phil pajama bottoms with Sonic printed everywhere. "Turn around." Phil commanded. Shaking his head, Dan turned.

_“T_ _enebris caecitatis.”_

In the next few seconds, a rush of cold ran down his eyelids, and a sheet of black covered Dan's eyes. 

"I don't trust you enough. Sorry Howell." Phil said, before slipping into the pants. A pang shot through Dan’s chest. Two years ago, before Dan had started to act like this, they wouldn’t have bat an eyelash if one of them walked into the room with only boxers on.

 _“Oculis quasi avis."_ Dan heard Phil murmur after a few seconds before the light from his lamp nearly blinded him. 

Dan gestured to his bed, and Phil walked toward the mess of pillows and blankets. They created a wall between the two, the only thing connecting them being their hands under the pillows. Dan couldn't see Phil's face, as the blankets were covering his eyes. 

After a few minutes of silence, Dan opened his mouth.

"You know if you just  _hadn't opened the box-_ " 

"Shh, tis the time of  _sleep._ " Phil mumbled. Dan rolled his eyes, and shut his mouth.

~

In silence, the next two hours passed, until Dan violently pushed away the wall and was only a few inches away from Phil. “What’re you doin’?” Phil mumbled, half asleep, watching as Dan pushed himself closer to Phil’s still body.

“My hand keeps moving away and it keeps sending a shock through my arm; I can’t relax.” Dan muttered, moving a pillow underneath his back. “Now go to sleep.”

Phil said nothing, which Dan assumed was because he fell asleep. Sighing, Dan burrowed his face into the soft duvet of his bed.

!

Dan woke up, weirdly warm and content. He wiggled, and felt another body next to him. His first thought was, _Did I screw someone?_

Then later, _I feel warm._

And lastly, _I’m in heaven, aren’t I?_

There was a blissful moment before last night’s occurrence came back rushing to him, groaning, he moved closer toward the warm source, before opening his eyes to come eye to eye with big, blue, piercing eyes. Dan’s arms were around Phil, and their legs were tangled together.

“Good morning!” Phil chirped, his lips barely touching Dan’s. Dan let out a yelp and moved back, before realizing his mistake and hurtling toward Phil again, and the aftermath of white, hot, pain up his arm.

“I don’t want to move.” Dan said, pulling the covers over his head, no longer touching Phil.

“I guess they weren’t lying when they said I can make the rudest man love me.”

Dan groaned again and swatted Phil’s arm. “Fuck you.”

Phil grinned, “Later.”

“Oh my god, _no._ ”

Phil laughed, and Dan rolled his eyes. “Okay, so you said your friend knows how to deal with shit like this?” Phil nodded, “Yeah.” Dan rubbed his eyes. “So we’ll drop by after I’ve actually got pants on.”

Phil widened his eyes. “You don’t have pants on?” He asked, lifting an eyebrow. Dan shrugged. “Just because you’re sleeping next to me doesn’t mean I’m going to change anything.” Dan said. “And I usually sleep with only boxers on.” After a few seconds, he added, “Or nothing on at all.”

“At least you wore _something_ ,” He heard Phil mumble. Dan pushed Phil. “I need to get changed. You do too.”

“Do you need to go to work or anything?” Phil asked, getting up, and crossing his legs. Dan shook his head.

“No, the case they gave isn’t required to be at the office.” Dan was an Auror, and to say he was out in the battlefield frequently was a blatant lie. The Ministry usually left him with the cases, as he’s better with a quill and paper than he is with a wand.

Phil nodded. “I can work home, I guess. As long as I have time, or else they’ll make me work in that stuffy room they gave me. It’s worse than having to deal with you all day.” He shuddered at the thought.

Phil, however, was a writer for the _Magic Messenger_ , which had become a big success in the past two years. Before Dan held a grudge against Phil, he had always teased Phil, saying the paper would never become big. However, Dan had been shown wrong.

Dan got up. “Do you, uh, do you want to borrow a shirt or anything?”

Phil shrugged. “I guess.” Dan walked over to his closet, looking through the collection of shirts. “Um, do you mind black?”

“I’ll take anything.”

Dan passed a black shirt to Phil, turning as the other man tugged off his shirt.

“Yeah, you can turn now.”

Dan raised an eyebrow at Phil staring at himself from the mirror. “I like so _pale._ ” Phil groaned. “I look like the brother of Voldemort or something.”

“I would bang Voldemort.” Dan joked. Phil had a small smile tugging on his lips, and gestured to Dan’s bare chest. “Well? Are you going to leave shirtless?”

!

Dan stared at the house before them. It wasn’t an old cabin in the middle of the woods as he expected, but more of just a shop. “Ladies first.” Phil said, opening the door. Dan smacked his arm. “At least I look like a man.”

“At least I look pretty.” Phil shot back.

“At least I-”

“Are you guys just going to flirt or did you come here for a reason?” A boy with curly brown hair interrupted, his alarmingly green eyes staring at them expectantly.

“Shut up, Peej.” Phil muttered, blushing. “Dan, PJ. PJ, Dan.”

“Why are you here with Dan? Did you guys finally kiss and make up? Oh, damn, I owe Carrie 50 quid.” PJ moaned.

“Uh, no. You see-uh, we can’t get away from each other.” Dan said. PJ raised an eyebrow.

“Explain.”

~

“Oh.” Was the first thing that passed PJ’s lips after they finished explaining the situation.

“Oh? _Oh?_ That’s all you have to say?” Phil pushed. “How do we fix this?”

PJ shook his head. “It’s rare for curses to be put into boxes. It’s complicated, and the fact that it’s a _love knot,_ oh my god-”

Dan cut off PJ. “We know that it’s a love knot, but we don’t really have any info about it, so.” Phil nodded. “All it said was the fact we can’t be away from the other further than a foot.”

PJ rubbed his forehead. “Okay, uh, so.” He cleared his throat. “Love knots are usually used for, uh, purposes.” Dan had both eyebrows raised, and Phil cocked his head to the side. “Uh, what type of, urm, _purposes_?”

PJ quickly shook his. “No, no! Not like that. More like, the people who got tied together usually need to fulfill whatever the caster wants. Like, if the person tied two people together, and wanted them to, like, I dunno, make out or something, the tied need to do that in order to get away from the other.

“And apparently you can only get a foot away from each other in the first stage. There are three stages, actually. The first stage, which you’re in right now, is when you guys only have to be near each other. The second, however, is when you need to be merely inches away from the other, and if you’re not, then you either suffer intense pain, or die.”

At the two men’s terrified faces, PJ quickly added, “Or you just freeze for a minute. Anyways, the third stage is when it’s more affectionate. You don’t just need to be near each other, you need to be literally _touching._ You need to hugging, holding hands, kissing, whatever; as long as you have physical contact.”

PJ went silent for a moment, waiting for the two to let the information sink in. Phil unconsciously shuffled closer toward Dan. “Uh, how do we know which stage we’re in, exactly?”  

PJ shrugged. “Dunno. Anyways, how to solve it. That’s the tricky part. Do you know who sent the box to you?”

PJ looked at Dan, Dan looked at Phil, and Phil looked at the sky.

“No.”

“Well, then. That’s any chance of finding how to solve this out the window.” PJ concluded, before pushing Dan and Phil out the door. “Nice seeing you two again! Now, if you excuse me, Sophie’s gonna be here in five minutes, and I don’t want you two twits hanging around when she gets here.”

“Wait-”

“Bye!” PJ said, before closing the door.

Phil turned toward Dan.

“We’re screwed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to make an uploading scheudale soon. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, comments always give me self esteem (of which I do not have).


	3. I Mey Know Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They do a little research about Love Knots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ashamed of every single pun I've thought of so far.   
> See end notes for why I took so long.   
> Is anyone reading this?

The two stood silently in the middle of the street for a few moments before Dan broke it.

“So what now? Your Healer friend wasn’t very _keen_ to help us, and I doubt some other random person just _happens_ to know all about this shit.” Phil glanced over as if just realizing Dan was there. He sighed. “We could go to a library or something and research some stuff about love knots.”

Dan looked up. “We’ll need to be quick about it. There’s going to be a storm soon.”

Dan had barely finished his sentence before Phil wrapped his pale fingers around Dan’s wrist and broke into a fast pace, stores and people speeding past. Dan yelped, startled. “Jesus, no need to go so fast.” He panted, barely catching up. Phil rolled his eyes. “Of course there’s a reason; I’m hungry.”

He suddenly stopped, and Dan stumbled. They stopped in front of a small, worn down building that seemed like it barely survived World War I.

 _All Booked Up,_ Dan read. Was that a pun? Good God.

They approached the building, and Phil held the door open. “After you.” He said sarcastically. “What a gentleman.” Dan snorted.

Phil closed the door and swiped his wand, revealing a doorway. “I’ve been here so many times, I know nearly every worker there, well, except for the front desk one. She doesn’t know much English. I think she’s German. But yeah, they have books for practically everything. If they don’t have it, no other library has it.”

Walking in, he added, “Well, besides the Hogwarts Library. But we’re not little first years, now are we?”

Dan gaped at how huge the room was. It was _much_ bigger than he had imagined. The library was as big as a neighborhood. Shelves were stacked after each like dominos. A lamp was lit in every corner, and there were plush chairs nearly everywhere.

Blinking, he gestured toward the desk. “Well, it’s huge, so I guess I have to count on your word of them having every book in the Wizarding World.”

Dan and Phil walked to the desk, before being nearly trampled by two boys. “Fucking hell, it’s so busy in here.” Dan muttered.

Phil nodded. “It’s one of the three libraries available in the magical world. But it’s really under the radar, weirdly enough. Some don’t know about it. Heck, even I didn’t know about it till a few months ago.”

“Can I help ya?” The girl asked, smacking on her gum. Phil gave a polite smile. “Hi Patty. Do you know where the books for love knots are?”

The girl-Patty- nodded. “Yah, ‘s fourth floor, spell damage. Ye know, ‘s real busy ‘ese days. Dunno why, maybe dose Death Eaters finally comin’ back. Always knew they’d come back. ‘ery odd they’d disappeared outta nowhere. Surprised they didn’ come back earlier.”  She said, breathy. Dan could smell her fruity breath.

 Dan gave a tight smile. “Thank you, er, Patty.”

Walking to a door, Phil sighed. “What, Lester?” Dan asked.

“I wish they had lifts.” Phil muttered under his breath. “What the fuck are _lifts_?” Dan asked incredulously. Phil rolled his eyes. “Forgot, you’re a _pureblooded Slytherin_ ; high and mighty, aren’t you?” Phil spat. Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “What’s so bad about Slytherin?”

Phil shook his head. “Nothing. Just the fact that every Slytherin friend I’ve had the past three years always _leave_ me. You know, even if we’ve known each other for _nine_ years.” Phil sneered, glaring at the door as if it was the cause of all problems.

Truth be told, after Dan started to give Phil the cold shoulder, he started to feel guilty, feeling Phil’s shining blue eyes sadly at him from the other side of the room. But what was he to do? Say, “Oh, I’m sorry, but I can come back to you even though I stopped talking to you for no apparent reason.”?

Phil swung the door open, and stepped in. Dan widened his eyes.

_“No.”_

_“Yes.”_ Phil said, rolling his eyes. “You’ve got to deal with it.”

“Can’t we just, you know, apparate?” Dan asked hopefully.

“No.” Phil denied. “The library’s a no-apparation zone.”

Before them were pairs of thousands of stairs, narrow and tiny. They seemed to go on forever. They were stone, but seemed brittle. It seemed a baby could step on one of the stairs and cause the whole thing to collapse.

Sighing, Dan stepped up the first stair. “Let’s get going then.”

!

Gasping for air, Dan has never felt worse than that moment right then. He kicked the door open with what little strength he had left, and stumbled in. Several people paused to give him sympathetic looks, most still looking worn out.

 _“I never want to do that ever again.”_ Dan gasped out, sucking in air. Phil shrugged. “Guess you get use to it after a while.” Dan glared, and followed Phil to the girl who was accompanying the desk of the fourth floor.

“Hey Mey, rhyme unintended. How are you?” Phil asked, tapping on the wood. The girl took a second to look up. She had a scarf wrapped around her head. _Muslim,_ Dan thought. _Cool._

“Oh, hey Phil.” She greeted, closing her book.

“ ‘The Catcher in the Rye’? I’ve read that! One of my favourites, actually.” Phil said, reading the cover of the book. Excited, Mey grinned. “Really? I’ve read it a billion times. I love it.”

Dan, who was starting to feel ignored, cleared his throat.

Mey shut her mouth, resulting in a small clap of teeth, and clutched her book tightly to the point where her tan skin paled. Phil kicked Dan behind the desk. “Ow!” Dan whispered.

“I-uh, er, hi-m-my name’s your-I mean-uh-” The girl stuttered. Obviously, she was not good with new people.

Phil cut in quickly. “Mey, meet Dan. We’re in a, er, situation, leaving our hands tied. We’re tied to the hip until we find a solution to a love knot.” Phil grinned at the pun. It was Dan’s turn to kick Phil in the shin.

“You have sharp shoes.” Phil commented, rubbing his new bruise. Dan smirked, before turning to the girl who seemed as if she’d seen a Basilisk. She was petrified, and seemed stuck. After a few moments, she blinked, and her eyes flicked to their wrists.

“Oh.” She mumbled. “I’m assuming you need to find books about love knots?” She asked, the words speeding past her lips. Without waiting for an answer, she got up, and walked in front of them stiffly.

 _She has a crush on Phil._ Dan thought to himself. _Great, we’re going to have to deal with a flirty girl while trying to research about this shitty situation. Fuck._

An awkward silence settled between the three. Dan distinctly heard Mey mutter, “I can _feel_ the sexual tension of the two behind me.”

Dan looked at Phil to see him blushing furiously.

“I ship it. Wonder what their ship name would be.” She murmured, loud enough for the people around them to here.

Dan was sure his cheeks were crimson, and he stared at the floor. _Well, at least she doesn’t have a crush on Phil._ That caused another thought to appear.

_What does it matter to you?_

“Uh-here is the sove lells-I mean the love spells’ section-er, I- I’m free if you need help wi-with anything. The-the books are all-uh, they’re all in alpha-alphabetic order. B-by the titles.” The girl squeaked. She turned and walked away, but not before exclaiming, “Phan!” out of nowhere. Realizing what she’d done, Mey blushed and nearly ran away.

“It took me so long to get her to stop stuttering around me. She does that; she, uh, she gets nervous around people she isn’t familiar with. It’s a pain in the arse when making friends. Then again, she’s still pretty lonely.” Phil said, Dan could relate, before taking two books off the shelf.

Snorting, Dan read out loud from next to him, “‘Stirring up Love Potions’? ‘Love Sick; A Cure For Lust Potions’? These puns are almost as dealing with you all day.”

That earned a smack of a book from Phil.

!

_Dan moaned, feeling Phil above him start to slowly grind into his erection. Phil nipped at Dan’s ear, earning a mew from the other man._

_“Fuck, Phil.” Dan groaned._

_Suddenly, it stopped. Dan glared as the weight was lifted off him. “You don’t just_ do _that, Phil!” Dan complained from his spot on the sofa-_ his _sofa-, sweaty and red._

 _Phil only smirked, and lifted Dan from the couch, before setting Dan on his feet. “You weigh a shit ton.” Phil commented. He took Dan’s hand, and led them to a bedroom-_ whose bedroom, anyways?- _and immediately pounced back onto Phil once the door was closed._

_Dan trailed kisses down Phil’s chest, grinning at every sound that passed Phil’s very bruised and puckered lips._

_“I love seeing you like this.” Dan whispered, looking up at Phil. “What do you mean?” Phil asked, sucking on Dan’s neck._

_“Seeing you slowly break, you know, making you curse.” Dan said, all the while getting closer and closer to the other man’s erection. His hands slipped into-_

Dan woke up, gasping and red. He looked around, utterly embarrassed and paranoid someone had looked into his mind at that moment.

He looked down to see a, ah, _problem,_ in his jeans. Blushing fiercely, he realized exactly where he was. Papers littered the table in front of him, and there was someone right next to his side.

“Bad dream?”

Dan’s head shot to the right of him. Phil was looking at a page full of ingredients.

Dan wouldn’t say it was a _bad_ dream, per se. It was more like he didn’t want to have wet dreams about the man who was stuck with him twenty-four seven, much less the one he supposedly hates, anyways. “I-uh, I need to use the loo.” Dan mumbled.

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Okay.” They approached the loo until they finally had to face the real problem: how they were going to use the loo.

“How about,” Phil suggested, “I stand in front of your stall, you know, with a spell on me or something, and you do whatever you have to do.” Hesitant, Dan complied. Unable to move more than a foot or so, Phil quickly cast a spell on himself. _“Se_ _ntire torpet, et cæcus.”_

After who knows how long, they silently walked back to the table. “You fell asleep after the first five books.” Phil said when they sat back down. “I’ve gone through fourteen. I _think_ I found a solution.”

Dan scooted over next to Phil’s side, reading over his shoulder.

_Untie Love Knot Potion_

  1. _Stir hippogriff blood into the phoenix tears._
  2. _Cut the peach pulp into three slices, put each three minutes away from each other._
  3. _Boil for thirty-eight minutes._
  4. _Cover leeches in thin coating of salt and strawberry juice._
  5. _Put leeches into mixture and wait sixteen minutes._
  6. _Stir eight teaspoons of_ _Amortentia into potion._
  7. _Pluck three thunderbird feathers into mixture._
  8. _Stir for thirteen more minutes._
  9. _Let rest for next two weeks._
  10. _Sip on midnight at a blue moon._



Dan widened his eyes. “On a _blue moon_? The next blue moon is next year, Lester! How are we supposed to deal with this until then?”

Phil shrugged. “What am I to do? I can’t magically make the next blue moon next Thursday, Howell! You’re not the only one in this ordeal.”

“Well, then what are we suppose to do until then?” Dan asked. Phil shrugged the back of his neck, before asking, “Do you have any friends that specialize in potions?”

Dan shook his head. “No, most of my friends are Auror’s or who knows what.” A few minutes passed between the two, before Phil brightened. “I know!”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “And who, exactly, can help us?” Phil tilted his head toward the girl behind the big, wooden desk.

“Mey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crap at uploading.   
> Sorry, just-I couldn't stay clean for more than three weeks. That's pathetic. 
> 
> Is anyone even reading? Should I delete?


	4. Milk Before Cereal and Skittles with MnMs'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They discuss where they'll live for the time being and prank wars.

“So you just wanna ask her right out?” Dan looked at Phil, raising an eyebrow. Phil shook his head. “Heck no, she’d refuse. I’ll talk her into it, though. She’s usually reluctant to agree to even hang out outside of the library, so this’ll take some time.”

Dan nodded. “Okay, but you better talk her into this. I was no good in potions. I fucked up at least half the formulas Slughorn gave us.” Phil snickered, then got up. “Should we ask now?”

Dan shrugged. “Why not?”

~  
-Fifteen minutes later-

 “Please Mey?” Phil pleaded. “We’ll be stuck together until the next full blue moon. _Please,_ this is the least you can do for us.”

“What?” Mey squeaked. “Uh-uh. N-no, sorry.” Mey looked back down at her book, but her eyes didn’t move.

“We can barely move away from each other, most being just a few inches. Please?” Dan asked.

Moments passed, until Dan sighed in defeat. They turned, and started walking, until they heard a quiet “I’ll think about it.”

Relieved, Phil smiled. “Thank you.”

They took the recipe with them, and left. They were quiet until they were finally in the streets. “So, what do we do in the mean time?” Dan asked.

“We need to figure out how we’ll live.” Phil said, before gesturing to _The Three Broomsticks._ “Let’s go in there.”

They sat at a table, and ordered two glasses of butterbeer. “Okay,” Phil took a sip, “we could go to one flat, then the other, then the other, then the other, you know, something like that.”

“No,” Dan interfered, “that’s too difficult. We could just share one individual flat.” Phil nodded. “Sure, but whose?”

“Mine.” They both said at the same time.

“We could guess a number.” Phil suggested. “I think of a number, you think of a number, write them down. Then the other has to guess what number the other person’s thinking.” Dan shrugged. “Alright.”

Phil took out a pen, and grabbed a napkin from the table. “What’s that?” Dan asked, looking at the pen. “It’s a wand.” Phil replied sarcastically.

He tore the napkin into two, and gave Dan one. “Write down your number.” Phil said, giving him the pen. Dan tilted his head to the side. “So I just… write? I don’t need any ink?”

“Nope.” Dan still hadn’t moved. Phil, rolling his eyes, took the pen out of Dan’s hands and wrote down a number. Dan widened his eyes. “This is brilliant. So, is it- is it magic?”

Phil shook his head. “There’s ink inside it.” Dan gingerly took the pen and wrote something down. “Okay, you go first. A number between ten and eighteen.” Phil said.

“Uh, alright, sixteen?” Dan guessed. Phil smirked, and showed the number on his napkin. “It was eleven.”

“Damn it.” Dan cursed. “Okay, a number between one and ten.”

“Seven.”

“It was nine.” Dan said, unfolding his napkin. “So I guess you win.”

Phil grinned. “Guess you have to live in my flat for now.”

“I hate you.” Dan said in a monotone voice, and groaned. “So, what? I grab my stuff and move in?” The corner of Phil’s mouth quirked up. “Guess so.”

!

Dan heaved the suitcase out, groaned, and let go, watching the suitcase tumble down the stairs. Phil had a half smile on his face. “Okay, let’s go.”

They apparated, appearing before a store. “You live at your own café? Really Philip?” Phil rolled his eyes. “My flat is across from here.”

Phil’s apartment wasn’t anything special, just somewhat bigger. It was much more colorful than Dan’s, that was for sure. There was a blast of color everywhere Dan looked. “If I’m going to stay here for the next eight months, we need to add some black. I’m not going to be able to stand all this color.”

Phil shrugged it away, and led them to a door. “This is my room.” Phil mumbled, letting the door swing open. Dan smirked, “Never thought you’d be the one to lead me to a bed this weekend.”

Phil ignored him. He opened three wardrobes, took out all his clothes, and quickly stuffed them into the other three. “Here’s room for you.” Phil suggested. “And,” Phil opened the closet, and moved his shirts and jackets to one side of the pole, “some more.”

Phil’s room was pretty colorful, with a huge mirror in the corner of the room, plushies and video game covers everywhere. Nearly every surface had at least three stickers stuck to it. Books littered the nightstand next to the bed. A white bookshelf was next to the door, and little anime characters and photos were stacked. “Right.” Dan said. “What now?”

“Well,” Phil started, “we haven’t eaten lunch, I still need to write my paper today, and you probably have stuff to do today.” Dan groaned. “My law case, fuck. I haven’t even started.”

“We could work in the office.” Phil offered.

Thirty minutes later, they sat in the office, full of food and working. Phil, who was done with his paper, after sending it with his owl, was reading, unaware of Dan struggling next to him.

“I give up.” Dan sighed after a few hours, exasperated. Phil raised an eyebrow, and closed his book. “I thought you liked being an Auror?”

“Fuck no.” Dan groaned, putting down his quill. “I’m done with this.” He said, pushing the papers away from him. “You can’t just give up, Dan.” Phil countered, pushing the papers back.

Dan shook his head. “I hate it.”

Before they could say more, there was a knock on the door. Phil jumped up, forcing Dan to do the same. Phil swung the door open, grinning at the sight of Mey, despite the fact it was just past midnight.

“Here,” she whispered urgently, shoving two vials full of deep blue mixture, “this’ll help; I did some research on love knots. It’ll make sure you two can move around from each other at least for a few days. It gives you room to move away for at least two meters or so.

“It takes about nine hours till it takes effect, so you’ll be sleeping in the same bed for the night, unless you won’t be sleeping at all.”

Mey shivered, and Dan noticed she was wearing nothing more than a hoodie and jeans. Her hair, which was normally under a scarf, was tucked underneath her hoodie, her black hair pooling out from under.

“Thanks so much.” Phil said, his voice loud compared to Mey’s whispering. Mey nodded, “I, uh, I’ve got to go all the way to Brighton early morning, so yeah.” She turned on her heel and started walking quickly.

Phil watched her before he closed the door. “I worry about her sometimes.” He sighed. At Dan’s puzzled face, he shook his head. “She’s just so shy; I wonder how she’s able to be all on her own.”

“How did she know where you live?” Dan asked, slight jealousy pricking through his mind.

Phil shrugged. “I gave it to her in case she ever needed me. Panic attacks, you know.” Dan nodded, scolding himself for even feeling an ounce of envy.

“So, should we take it?”

“Obviously,” Dan rolled his eyes. Before waiting another second, he downed the potion in one gulp. Phil followed in suite.

The other man shuddered and gagged. “That was disgusting.” Phil spat, sticking out his tongue. Dan swallowed back a smile. “Anyways, sleep?”

Phil nodded. “Heck yeah.”

!

“This isn’t awkward at all.” Dan muttered, his pinkie locked with Phil’s. Phil only responded by shifting closer.

Dan was facing Phil, whose face was only millimeters away. He could feel the other man’s breathe on his lips, and Dan had to admit the smell of watermelon and cinnamon from Phil was very refreshing.

Phil yawned, which went against his next statement. “Funny thing is that I’m not tired at all.” His eyes were wide and staring right into Dan’s. Dan, however, felt like he could sleep millennia.

“Are you sure you’re not two percent owl?”

“Yeah, I actually have wings growing on my back, and I need to fly every morning.” Phil joked, grinning.

“Shut up, you spork. You’re too lazy to even get up for coffee.”

Phil laughed. “You once switched the sugar with the salt, and I poured all of it into my coffee. I swear, that destroyed my taste buds.”

Dan shrugged. “You declared the prank war, and you deserved it.” Phil looked affronted. “ _You_ were the one to put the worms into the sandwich, not me!”  

“No, you were the one who put ink on every doorknob in the house!”

“But that was because you put together the Skittles and MnMs’ together!”

“How was I supposed to know you put multiple in your mouth?”

_“Everyone does that!”_

“Not me!”

“Yeah, well-”

And they spent the whole night arguing about who was the one to blame.

“Who in their right mind puts the milk before the cereal?”

“I never really cared about what I put in first, okay?”

“But you should!”

“Oh my god, Dan-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love kudos and comments, feedback is appreciated, and all that. 
> 
> Do any of you watch Supernatural? I'm on season 6.

**Author's Note:**

> What have I done


End file.
